I'm always so positive on this blog, what's with that?
Today, I'm not. Consider yourself warned.
In the mail today I got:
1. a letter from the manager at Luna Park, saying that "because of the high calibre of applicants, I am unable to offer you a position". Jeez, thanks. I know that's just a standard thing to say on rejection letters, but I don't like it. I don't like being reminded so deliberately that everyone else there was way better than me.
2. A letter from my bank (credit union actually, banks are EVIL!) saying my account is overdrawn and I need to rectify the situation ASAP. And that perhaps I ought to consider applying for a VISA Overdraft. Yeah, cos I'm sure they'd offer me stacks of credit while I have NO JOB and my name on a MORTGAGE. That looks wonderful on paper to credit people. "Oh, your only income is Family Allowance from the government, and you're half responsible for a $300 000 home loan? Excellent!"
I'm so cranky! Don't know who I am cranky at, but that's not the point. I've been trying really really hard, as hard as I can while staying committed to my kids, for over a year now and I'm getting NOWHERE. I still haven't had ANY paying acting work and the only agents who will take any notice of me are the ones with 6 million desperate hopefuls on their book who all paid exorbitant amounts of money for the privilege. I HAD money saved up to get professional headshots and then had to spend part of it when the car battery died for the THIRD TIME in as many years. I still haven't heard back from the lady about the darn teaching job at the rehabilitation centres. I missed out on the cafe job because of that stupid worthless sale job.
Okay, listen, I know my life is pretty darn good really. But I shall count my blessings or something NEXT post, today I'm just cranky and miserable and frustrated.
I just want to act. Please?????
"...and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom..." - Anais Nin
this is me...
- Sumara
- Sydney, Australia
- Just me. Living my journey as it moves and changes around me. I love film, acting, music, and people. I like to create pretty, useful, or entertaining stuff.
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3 comments:
I would be cranky too !! ((big hugs)) I really hope something turns up soon.
Thanks for the hugs. :) Something'll turn up... sometime...
Hey Sumara,
I was really in a rut a lot like this a few years back. After I got out of college I was still in playwriting and was liaising with a theater group who weren't very communicative with me and sucked up a lot of my time before suddenly going defunct. Now I didn't have the home mortgage, but I did have an apartment with cockroaches, and there was a gang war on my street corner, and I was temping this whole time.
Actually, that was just the worst of it... the tempting gigs went on for about four years.
I don't know how I'm expecting this to be reassuring... things did get better, and yet for all the better they've gotten I still don't have a serious publication credit, nor have I made any serious money off my writing. But I guess what ended up reassuring me was that life kept throwing adventures at me. I married Jessica. We moved to New York. We kept making new friends, meeting new people. And I can tell from talking to you that, however much these things may weight on you right now, your life and family are full of adventures, and that's a pretty effective buoy.
I think things will work out, eventually.
That's all. :)
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