So.... here I am, blogging. Really, I just want to write stuff down that I don't write or say anywhere else because people might not actually care... whereas here, people can care or not care and I don't ever have to know either way! I'm probably going to talk about where I'm at with theatre stuff (whichever side of the stage or camera I'm on) - I really need to get back into that and work my way properly into that fascinating, thrilling, weird industry that I love. I might ramble on about the movies I love, the actors I'm noticing, the news stories that catch my eye. More than likely I'll rave about my gorgeous daughters, let's call them Missy and Bear, and might even briefly mention my darling long-suffering husband Noel. ;)
I'm a bit excited and nervous this week because I have an audition on Sunday for a short film. A "psychological thriller" apparently, being filmed in July/August. Not getting my hopes up or anything because, let's face it, it's been years since I've acted. But, I refuse to be negative because I believe I'm always in with a chance. They might just happen to like me.
Apart from the vague hope of getting a role, I'm just excited at the mere fact of getting back into the "game" - this audition will be more than worthwhile, no matter thw outcome, because it will be the first step, and after that every step will be just that little bit easier.
The director was unsuitably vague about the audition - he hasn't given me a location yet despite having a confirmed time, and the type of monologue he wants to see is "whatever you're comfortable with".
Fair enough, he probably had a million people asking.
So, this is what I'm doing:. From Europe, by Michael Gow.
Always "us", "all of you", "we", "them". Never "I", "me", just "you alone".
Do you ever think of just one individual person? Can you look at one human being and see only one human being, or do you have to see millions of others, standing behind in a crowd that stretches to the horizon? Germans who are punctual, Frenchman who all wear berets, Italians all waving their arms in the air, Americans chewing gum?
What do all Australians do? How do you see them?
I'll tell you what they all do - they beat their heads against a wall crying "We don't need you. We're as good as you. We are happy with ourselves". That's all anyone said while I was there. They told me over and over and over again how independend you all were, how grown-up you all have become, how confident, how open, mature, positive, repeating it all constantly like a chant. But it can't be true. No one who is happy has to repeat "I am happy" a thousand times a day to convince himself. All of you are deeply unhappy, as unhappy as everybody else. You are all paranoiacs.
You see, I can play that game, I can put you at the front of a crowd and pretend that you represent them all. I can go on and on too. I can say that your newness, your freshness, your freedom from tradition attracted my world-weary, neurotic decaying European sensibility. I can say you represent all the things that are mnissing from my life: romance, laughter, space, clear dazzling light.
But I would be talking in cliches. It would have no meaning.
So... let's hope I can find some moments to rehearse that this week. Perhaps the girls will make a good audience. (well, they'd be good for me to practice dealing with a rude distracted audience!)