Milky goodness

This blog is about creative stuff, right? Well, what could be more creative than making, storing, and supplying all the food my bubba needs to thrive? Creative, in the purest sense of the word. Quite brilliant, I reckon. Almost as brilliant as creating the bubs in the first place!

Talitha feeding bunny while I feed Beryl.

It's World Breastfeeding Week, as I was just reminded in this post by the very talented Kate at Picklebums. I actually have a badge that says "I make milk - what's your super power?". I really should find it and wear it this week.

Beryl getting the very best party food!

Charlie's another booby-loving bubba.

So there you go. Now you know that I will definitely never be one of those movie stars desired for her cleavage more than her talent - so let's hope I have enough talent! :-)

Meh

The cake was good, but not spectacular. Moist and moreish, but to be honest I was expecting more from those lovely passionfruit. Ah well, it fed and pleased everyone, and that's what counts. :-)

Apple Passionfruit Cake

This cake was inspired by my friend Hayley the Crazy Baking Girl. I pretty much followed the recipe she used there, but I used self-raising flour instead of the flour plus baking powder and salt, and I used Granny Smiths rather than Pink Lady apples.

I also added some passionfruit I'd collected the day before that were just begging to be used in something scrumptious. We love our passionfruit vines, and there's not much nicer than using food from your own garden to add a bit of extra meaning to your baking.

I had four HUGE Grannies so I cut myself a heap of circles to arrange on the top rather than try to mix them all into the batter. Just look at the appley goodness:

I have to admit here than I broke the cardinal rule of cake-baking by taking it out of the oven halfway through the cooking time to drizzle the passionfruit pulp on top. It didn't completely kill the poor cake, but it did mean the cake took a lot longer than it should have.

In the picture the passionfruit seeds on top look scorched, but they actually seem to have stayed quite tender and sweet despite that. If I do this again, though, I'll probably abandon the idea of trying to bake the pulp on top and just drizzle it over once the baking's done.

The cake is waiting patiently on the bench for when my mum visits tomorrow... I'll be sure to let you know how it tastes...

Back into photography

Way back, years ago, when I studied photography (fairly briefly, at commuity college and school), it was still all about film. I still love film but we don't have a film camera at the moment, so I'm learning how to use our digital SLR. Some things are the same, some are very different, and some things I just plain forget how to do. And spending the copious amount of time it takes to reaquaint oneself with the art is nigh impossible with my three small people. So, it's a slow process...
... which all might sound like I'm trying to justify my crappy results but really, I'm just rambling away as usual...

The sun is shining again today (after a beautiful, very impressive storm last night!) so I popped out into the backyard to play in the lovely warm light. I just fiddled about with the camera settings and the light on a few plants.
It was quite dim in this corner of the garden and I loved the way the pinks kept changing as I increased the exposure time. Nothing special but I liked the colours.

Then, I was distracted by far more important subject matter...

Spring is springing... or not!

I went outside at 6.30 this morning (as you do) and I wasn't cold. I walked the big girl over to school, and got quite warm. I walked the small girl to dance class and we both became too hot for our jumpers.

The sun is shining, the gusty breeze is warm, and oh yes, the air smells like a new season. It feels good.

Edit - um, perhaps not. It is now freezing cold, with icy wind and increasing rain. Oh well. It was good while it lasted. :)

Also.

Paparazzi photographers are revolting. The poo of a flea living in the scum of the earth. The people who buy the magazines they publish are almost as bad.

That is all.

The List...

Every now and then I mention putting something on my To-Watch list, or watching something from it. Said list is a scrap of old notepaper that I keep in my wallet for quick reference at the video shop or department store.

Here's what's on it right now...

In Her Shoes
Chinatown
The Ninth Gate
The Brave (I'm DYING to see this, anyone know where I can find it in Australia???)
The Pianist
Dog Day Afternoon
Magnolia
Eve's Bayou
Closer
The General
Casablanca (I know! I can't believe I haven't seen it yet!)
Raising Arizona
Connie and Carla
Donnie Darko

Also still on the list was Arizona Dream, but I have actually seen that a little while ago... weird... will see it again though to try and understand the little sucker...

(Oh and there's a title on there - "That Hideous Strength", which I have no idea about. I cannot find a film by that name on IMDB or anywhere. What was I thinking about, I wonder?
EDIT - I found a novel by CS Lewis with that title. And I have no idea why I would have wanted to read it, especially as it appears to be the third of a series. Chalk that one up to one of those odd random moments I often have...)

So, I'm thinking that's actually a pretty short list. Why are there not more films on my list?

What, dear lovelies, do I need to add to it?

Pink and Green and Chocolate all over...

So, it was Friday night. Noel was away for work, I was in a lazy don't-want-to-cook kinda mood, and the girls and I just wanted to hang out. The obvious choice: let's make chocolate cake for dinner!
Oh yes, I am the coolest mum ever; you better believe it.
Setting aside all thoughts of late-night sugar-induced madness, I rounded up the overly enthusiastic troops and got started.



I make chocolate cake just using a basic butter cake recipe. When adding the flour to the creamed butter, sugar, vanilla and eggs I just whack in however-much-looks-good of cocoa powder (I like to use lots so it tastes properly chocolatey!), and then add a little more milk to make up for the extra dry ingredient. Even better is to add some real melted chocolate too but I didn't have any around last night.
It's always an anxious moment handing over the ingredients to the small people; you never know what's going to end up all over the floor! But it's fun, and I find if you just expect them to do well, they appreciate the trust so they tend to rise to the occasion and live up to your expectations (um... mostly... more on that soon...).


See - lots of cocoa... mmmm....

So the cake was done, all baked and cooling down. Time for the icing...

Ooops! "Mummy the bowl was moving by itself!" Yes darling, of course it was. I took the photo because otherwise I was going to lose my temper! Grabbing the camera gave me a second to breathe, put on my happy Mary Poppins voice and say "oh well, accidents happen!"

Now, can you tell that we had conflict over which colour the icing should be?
And... dinner! Yum. :)

Oh and yes, the girls did go a little mental at bedtime, but a few giggles and bed-swaps later, they were asleep for the night by 9.30. Success!

And now for something *not all that* different...

I have a secret. A very important and surprising revelation.

I am interested in Other Things. That's right, my life does not revolve entirely around dreaming of being an actor and sitting around watching films. In fact, a very small percentage of my current life revolves around those things. I spend my days with my family; feeding and teaching and entertaining them, loving them, finding ways to provide for them.

In honour of that fact, and in an effort to revive this dwindling blog, I'm going to start blogging about a broader range of topics. Essentially, instead of being about "me the actor", it will be a place for "me the creative person". Anything that can concievably be called Creative will be fair game - photography (if Noel ever lets me get my hands back on the camera!) sewing, cooking, craft, kid stuff, and of course film and drama. I want this to be a happy little corner for me to just be me. And I'll try to include lots of photos.

Sound okay?
Anything you wanna hear about?

The Dark Knight

Just got back from the local (kinda crappy*) cinema after seeing the most hyped film in ages... and loving it as much as I ever love an action film.

You see, I have issues watching action movies. I tend to keep trying to see and understand what each person is up to, whereas I think you really need to watch them with a bit more of a broad mindset so that you don't get lost in the details. I tend to get quite lost and only when I realise I'm getting lost, stop and broaden my focus a little, do I start to figure out what's going on and enjoy it a bit more.

Plus, I must admit there was a bit of an emotional thing going on with me. I really wanted to see more of Heath Ledger (because he was utterly wonderful and I just wanted to drink him up!) and I kept getting annoyed when I thought there wasn't enough of The Joker.

So, setting aside my neurotic weirdness.... it's a great film. Like I said, Ledger was wonderful, totally stealing the show. Really. His every movement and sound and look screamed out his character. There was nothing missing and nothing too over the top. I'm trying not to be emotional about it and praise him just because he's now gone, and I honestly don't think I am. He deserves the praise. It's the ultimate Joker.

I enjoyed watching Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, too. He keeps surprising me that guy (Eckhart I mean); one minute I think he's your typical light-comedy kinda guy, the next minute he's doing something really dramatic, then he's off doing psycho comic-book guy. I like it.

Christian Bale, well, he's Batman. What is there to say? Apparently he's one of the hot sexy guys out there at the moment... I dunno... I've never noticed... anyway, he's a lovely Mr Wayne. Maggie Gyllenhaal was her typical cute self. Nothing particularly special, but then the character didn't call for anything much.

And how cute is Alfred? You've gotta love Alfred, and his relationship with Bruce/Batman.

The most annoying thing, and this is something that has been really starting to get to me lately, was the music. As soon as some music started, I thought "ah, composed by Hans Zimmer." And I don't like that. I want the music to subtley and cleverly fill in some gaps and accentuate some great moments. I don't want it to scream "Hello!!! I was composed by Hans Zimmer!!! That's why you are suddenly, inexplicably thinking about Pirates, Lions, and kung fu Pandas!!!"

No offence, Mr Zimmer. Your music really is beautiful. Just... perhaps... a little more variation? Some new themes? Ta.

(okay, have to laugh... I just read on Zimmer's IMDB page that he apparently "plans to retire" for some years after The Dark Knight, to work on teaching and helping young composers. Perhaps he figured out his issues before I did...)

Anyway, back to the topic... The Dark Knight.... yes, lovely. A little too much "action movie" for me but hey, it is in fact an action movie - so we can't fault them on that!

~~~~

*wouldn't be so crappy if more people from around here patronised it and helped the management in their quest to afford the upgrade they've been working on for years!

*sob*

I just watched Casanova on telly - the film with Heath Ledger. I have actual tears all down my face.

Oh, Heath.

He was so beautiful.

*sigh*

Freddie Highmore rocks.

If I were 14, I would be so in love with Freddie Highmore. What a brilliant and lovely young man. Alas, when I was 14, he was 2; so for now I shall stick with great admiration. His acting is truthful and understated and seemingly effortless, and his personality is gorgeous.

I found these quotes on his IMDB page...
[Talking about his dressing room demands] Because I'm a spoiled little brat, I absolutely always insist on a table and chair and lighting. This February I'm even going to demand heating.
[On celebrity] As long as you don't stand on the corner and wave your arms about, people don't notice you too much.

Funny boy. I just think he's so mature and grounded and intelligent.

Okay, so that's enough fangirling.

As I mentioned, we watched August Rush the other night. I loved it. My girls kept looking over at me, all worried, because I kept gasping and grinning and sobbing. And you've gotta love a film that gets those emotions going! (although I have to admit you probably wouldn't find it as emotional if you aren't a parent)
I absolutely love the way that the music of this film is so integral to it. Maybe I'm just a sap but I found the concept of the music leading Evan to his parents just beautiful.
I surprised myself by being impressed by Robin Williams. I generally don't like him much (too much swearing and stupid humour for me) but as the manipulative kind of Fagan character, he was excellent. Quite scarily horrible.

Okay, I shall stop rambling. I'm typing one handed while feeding the bubba and I can't get my thoughts together. Off to entertain the troops...

Well she might do better than some world leaders I know of....

My 5-yr-old has been pretty demanding today.

Sumara: *is frustrated* Talitha! You don't get to run the world!
Talitha: *is matter-of-fact* Yes I do. It's mine.

~~~~

In other news. The girls and I watched August Rush last night. It is glorious! I will be back later to ramble about it and the gorgeous Freddie Highmore...

Hai-ya! *kick* *punch* *run up wall*

Noel and I took the kiddos to see Kung Fu Panda on the weekend. I went along because I was desperate to get out and about for some time with him and them, but I was pretty sure I would find the movie boring and/or groan-worthy.

I was wrong! To my own surprise, I really enjoyed it. At one point I realised I was just gazing at the screen with a big smile on my face and I thought "Oh, goodness, I really like this!" It's funny and gorgeous. I'm not usually much of a fan of Jack Black, but in this he is AWESOME (lol, I never use that word but sorry, I just have to. "There is no charge for Awesomeness.").

I just deleted a few sentences in which I tried to pinpoint why I liked the film so much. I can't put my finger on it. The characters are just deep enough for their story, and they and their world are beautifully drawn, and it all just works really well.

I like it. So go see it if you get the chance.

~~~~

I'm a bit excited tonight, and a bit too keen to tuck the girls into bed, because I've borrowed The Shining (hooray for DVDs at the library!) and will watch it tonight accompanied by my block of Maya Gold chocolate (Fair Trade chocolate! Buy it! Don't buy the slave-harvested stuff!).
I don't even have any idea what The Shining is about, but it's one of those classic films that has been on my to-watch list for ages... I shall report back, faithful listeners... readers... friends... you know who you are...

Mmmm... the worst pies in London....

Well, not really - they were pretty good actually. This was last Wednesday when I got the kids asleep and sat down for a bit of gory delicious Sweeney. However, I accidentally hit some button on the remote which messed up the sound and I couldn't figure it out, so I didn't end up watching very much of it. The dull stereo sound was just too depressing for such an experience.



So on Saturday night my lovely friend Hayley was visiting and we watched it with proper surround sound. Unfortunately the experience was still nowhere near as good as seeing it in the cinema... but that will have to wait until we build our dream house with a beautiful, insulated, specially-made theatre room. Still, it really is delicious, this film. I know I've raved about it before, but Johnny's "Mr Todd" is just beautiful. Really beautiful.


I enjoyed Helena Bonham Carter's performance a lot more this time, I think I paid a bit more attention to her so got the gist of her character a bit better. I love Sacha Baron Cohen too, but my gripe with him is that I struggled to understand him when he reverted to an English accent. He mumbled. I also particularly appreciated the funny bits - especially the song "By the Sea"; goodness that is so well done and so funny. I could watch it all day.


Now, for Depp fans, all that there is to do is wait for his next two appearances, in The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus (Hmmm, I'm a little annoyed that IMDB's listed Johnny first in the credits there; he shouldn't be top billed when it's Heath Ledger's character...) and Public Enemies.

~~~~

In other news... I'm feeling the acting itch again, and, well, I'm really feeling the need for some extra cash to be flowing into this household, so once I get this bubba of mine a little more settled I'll be beginning the ring-around again to agents and casting people. Let's see if I can get myself something...

My 5-year-old daughter is starting Drama and Musical Theatre classes next week, and the 3-year-old will be starting Dance. Mwa ha ha... I'm going to be a big annoying Stage Mum....

Strong Bloody Violence

My Sweeney Todd DVD just arrived in the mail. Mmmmmm.

Meat pies for dinner, methinks!

It was Johnny Depp's birthday yesterday, by the way. Happy 45th, Johnny!

~~~~

Speaking of violence, and Johnny... we watched American Gangster the other day. It reminded us of Blow , except with murder as well as drugs.
It was a good movie, although we watched the extended edition so it kinda went on forever - almost 3 hours of gangster talk and family/political maneuvering, so I got pretty lost (I always get confused with the different connections/families/loyalties in gangster-type films). Russell Crowe was great, as he usually is, and it was nice to see him acting again rather than rabbiting on about football, which is all he's in the news for these days 'round here.

A spoonful of sugar

Miss B is watching Mary Poppins so all those fun songs are filtering through the doorway...

"A spoonful of sugar, that is all it takes. It changes bread and water into tea and cakes."

Oh I love Mary Poppins. Such lovely messages about life and value. I know there are two schools of thought about this movie though. Some people seem to think she's a very freaky scary manipulator. I can totally see where they're coming from but I just ignore the freakiness and concentrate on the cute and loveliness. :)

~~~~

No spoonfuls of sugar for me, though. I lost 1.9kg this week, woohoo! So, if I stay on track, this "spare tyre" should be gone in no time!

Comedians

Did anyone see Frank Woodley on Rove last night?

Some parts of Rove really irritate me but he always has great guests so last night I was watching it in between tidying up and baking bread (go me, little miss domestic!). I think Frank Woodley is fabulous - as is Colin Lane but I'm kinda glad they've gone their separate ways and we get to see their indivdual talents shine more.

It was a fun interview of course; quite hilarious, especially his answer to the inevitable gay question. Every answer to every question (well, almost) was funny in some way. Which got me to thinking - why do comedians have to be funny *all the time*?

Whenever we see a comedian interviewed, or on a variety show or quiz show or anywhere really, they're always constantly making jokes. Now obviously this is their job and there are times when they're expected to provide some lighthearted diversions. But really, they don't have to be doing it constantly do they? I wonder if they're like that in their everyday lives, always relating the situation they're in to some hilarious anecdote, or if it's just the "stage persona".

I have a bit of a theory (based mainly on my own experience and feelings) that actors love acting so much because they don't have to be themselves; they can be someone else for a while... yes I know, thank you Captain Obvious, but what I mean is that we are hiding in a way, covering our real self up because it's so much easier to be public if we're not revealing ourselves. If I get laughed at or strange looks or ignored, that's okay because it's not really me.

Essentially, what I'm saying is that actors are pretty insecure, and, as well as being lots of fun and requiring a bit of talent, playing a character allows us to find security without revealing too much of ourselves. That's how I feel about it anyway. Maybe other actors will say differently but hey, this is my blog and my theory. (I'm very secure with how insecure I am, thanks very much!)

So, perhaps comedians have a similar thing going on. Whenever I see Frank Woodley (and other comedians too, but Woodley in particular I think), his eyes, to me, do look pretty insecure. I know the "deer in headlights" kinda thing is part of his comedic persona, but it seems to me that if you look in his eyes there's something a bit frightened in there. And it really feels like he's making all those jokes to take the attention away from that insecurity and distract us from finding out who he really might be.

All of which is fine with me, because he's hilarious. It would be great to chat with him I think, it might be quite revealing (but hopefully not as revealing as that Rolf Harris fantasy...).

Reality TV

is taking over the world.

And it's driving me mental. Can somebody please make the evil empire of reality TV just. go. away. Please?

I shouldn't be watching television anyway, I know. However, if there were a few less hours of Crap-ality TV going on maybe I *could* watch it without frying my brain so much. Plus, if there were more good dramas or even good soaps being made, there's be more work for up-and-coming twenty-something Sydney actors... :-)

Speaking of TV, I was thinking today that soap operas (I don't follow Neighbours or any of those amazingly scary American ones, but will admit to regular viewing of Home and Away) are almost little self-contained lessons in scriptwriting and acting. You get half a dozen examples of how NOT to do it, interspersed with a few lovely talented people who provide a good contrast and carry the show... Quite fascinating sometimes, don'tcha think?

And you know what - my eldest daughter can spell, write and read the word "television". This week for her homework she wrote a story: "My dog watches television." (Yes, in Term 2 of Kindy, one sentence constitutes a story!)

Multiple viewings...

I was just pondering yesterday how interesting it is to watch a film over and over again... not in one day but over time.

I was watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for the bigzillionth time with my 3-yr-old B, and noticing that I watch it differently now that I'm so familiar with it. And I don't just mean the fact that I know all the Oompa-Loompa songs off by heart and joyfully sing along with them!

Yesterday in particular, I was watching Johnny's Willy Wonka very closely and really trying to take in every nuance of the character. I noticed moments where the character seemed, curiously, different. I kept thinking to myself how Johnny must have gone into so much detail with his character building (especially with all that backstory they've added to this version!). Usually when I watch Johnny films I can't help but notice mannerisms and brief moments of charcterisation that "belong" to other Johnny characters, but this time I was focussing so intently on Willy Wonka and trying to build a picture of him in my head, that that didn't happen. I was not aware of any "Johnny" or "other Johnny character" moments at all.

(by the way, I should be clear that I don't think this commonality of characterisation or the cross-evidence of mannerisms between characters and from the actor's own personality is a bad thing at all. An actor's only tool is their own self, after all. And people always have things in common with other people, don't they?)

Anyway, that was my focus on this viewing. Other times I have really focussed on the Oompa-Loompas or one or two or a group of the children. (Very rarely do I pay much attention to Charlie - strangely enough he seems quite incidental to the story to me. Except that he has a very cool name!)

Some films are fascinating to watch repeatedly - Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, for example, defintely chhange and grow with each viewing - while some I find are good in themselves with just one viewing. I haven't been able to bring myself to re-watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas yet because the first viewing, probably about a year ago, is still in there being digested slowly.

What films do you love, or hate, to watch repeatedly?

Oh golly gosh!

... and other choice expletives!

I just hung up from another call from a casting agent (one of Sydney's biggest) wanting me to come in tomorrow for a casting for a cereal commercial. They were even fine with me bringing the new bub with me!

But of course it's a healthy cereal isn't it, with a but of a reputation so they have strict rules about the BMI of the actors in their commercials, so she had to check my height and weight. Damnit! I knew there was a reason I should've been trying harder to lose all that pregnancy weight! Let's just say I obviously wouldn't look too hot in a red minidress right now!

Well, hah de ha ha... it never rains but it pours...

The good thing is, at least I know that my new headshot on Showcast is doing the trick. :-)

Charlie

Our bubby boy was born on Monday 24th March. It was all a bit melodramatic and I ended up having another caesarean after a non-reassuring heart trace... but Charlie was fine and is doing well. His big sisters love him with a smothering passion and his daddy is very proud to have a boy.

That photo was taken on 11th April, sleeping on Noel's tummy at the computer desk... daddy has some magic trick that gets him to sleep like that. Never works for mummy.

(Noel's tummy isn't really that big by the way, he's leaning back in his chair. Noel is of course a big gorgeous hunk.)

~~~~

When Charlie was 6 days old I got a call from a casting agent wanting me for some work. !!!! I just knew that would happen! Horrible timing, damnit. But I asked her (probably in a desperate pleading voice!) to keep me in mind in the future. *sigh*

~~~~

I would love everyone to comment if you can, or email me, because our computer temporarily died recently and I've lost all my links to blogs and my email contacts.

Yes, well.

So, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that there's not going to be any acting happening for me in the near future. And I'm okay with that. At the moment I'm, quite rightly, more focussed on being a mum and homemaker. Our little boy will be making his appearance in (hopefully!) about a month from now, and to be perfectly honest the idea of caring for three children still kinda freaks me out. I have no intention of trying to do anything other than parenting for quite a while.

I might still blog a bit, but I might not. Meh.


Meanwhile, we've hired a few movies lately... because we're totally broke and really stressed about money, and both Noel and I are the kind of people who react to money stress by spending money (credit card!) on things to make us feel better, ie movies and accompanying junk food. Sensible, I know.

Black Sheep was quite possibly even worse than I expected it to be, which was pretty bad. I only watched it because I thought Noel would like it, and so that I could say I'd watched it. It was relly horrendous and the only thing I could think was "who the hell gave this thing such a big budget?". Just a completely useless film.

Stardust was lovely. I expected it to be a bit more exciting, whereas it was more rambly adventure than exciting adventure. Still, a great story and some excellent moments.

Notes on a Scandal was very well acted of course (duh - Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett!), but I can't quite decide whether I really like it or not. I guess the story just didn't really grab me, but the performances were wonderful.

The Blade Trilogy was just kinda rambly, vaguely amusing, gory blah-ness. The first one was better than the 2nd and 3rd (isn't that always the way?). Worth watching, if you're into vampires and guns.

And there you go, my loony pregnant self has forgotten all the other things we've watched lately.
Now I'm off to eat chocolate self-saucing pudding for dinner. :-)

"We all deserve to die....."

... is the line of song I've had stuck in my head since I woke up Sunday morning. Charming, really. :-)

My darling dearest gorgeous husband took me to see Juno and Sweeney Todd in between a wedding ceremony and reception on Saturday (it was a Japanese/Chinese/Danish wedding; they had lots of traditions to complete in that time!).

Juno was cool; much better than I was expecting. Even though I'd read rave reviews, the previews hadn't really appealed to me. But I really liked it. Great performances and a really good script. (Very bad fake pregnant belly though. Oh, when will they learn?)

Sweeney, honestly, deserves *most* of the praise that's being thrown about over it. Johnny DEFINITELY deserves the Golden Globe and the Oscar nom, he's just divine. Just the perfect mixture of reality and craziness and, well, just a stunning performance. Some really scary moments from him, and some truly hilarious ones. And as usual he was entirely, bodily and emotionally, dedicated to every single moment.
I wasn't so keen on Helena's Mrs Lovett at first, but she did kinda grow on me towards the end. Her voice didn't seem quite right to me, but what do I know about singing voices.
All of the supporting cast were fabulous too. Lots of really gorgeous (and scary, and sad, and funny) moments.
And the film just plain *looked* great. Cinematography, costumes, makeup, lighting, all so rich and deep and good to look at.
Oh yes, and lots of blood. Lots and lots. More than I expected, and extracted more violently than I expected. Quite freaky, in fact.

Anyway. Yes, loved it. Will have to see it again and see if I like it as much without all the suspense and anticipation.

Meanwhile, abovementioned fabuloso husband is about to arrive home with a stash of chocolate. Must be off...

Heath Ledger!

Oh my goodness! Noel just called me to say Heath Ledger has been found dead, apparently of a drug overdose.

I can't find a news article because we're on dial-up speed at the moment and I bet half of Australia is trying to look up the same articles right now. But oh man, how awful. What a shock.

And what a stupid, stupid way to die. In the middle of a wonderful career. Damnit.

Edited.... Sorry, I probably shouldn't say "stupid". All evidence apparently points to this being an awful accident involving sickness and sleeping pills. My thoughts go out to Heath's family, and his little girl Matilda. I hope the media can keep the heck away from them now and let them mourn in peace.

Blah.

Not that anyone reads this blog anymore, but just in case... yes, I'm still alive. Not even busy or anything, just have nothing to blog about.

~~~~

I'm 33 weeks pregnant now, with this very wriggly baby boy. Everything's going perfectly and I feel really healthy and positive.

My big girl starts primary school next week. I'm so not ready to hand her over to teachers for 6 hours a day. However, she's completely set on going and won't have a bar of homeschooling, so off she goes. Maybe I'll surprise myself and end up loving the whole schooling thing.

Smaller girl (as welll as turning 3 tomorrow!) starts preschool, one day a week, the week after. She seems so much more grown up than T did at this age. It's crazy.

~~~~

Work (the casual promotions job) has totally let me down. They didn't contact me for weeks and when I emailed saying I was keen for lots of work during January the roster girl just said there was nothing available, everything had been allocated. Not a single shift offered to me for a whole month - after I was assured of two shifts per week. And just when I was really counting on it to be able to cover a few big bills coming up. Selfish sods, that's what they are. It's not like I can just go and get a new job, at 7 months pregnant.

~~~~

I went to an audition for a (non-paying) "feature film" in the city last week. They director emailed me especially, even knowing I'm pregnant, so I was feeling really positive about it. Turns out the "feature film" is more like a series of short films, with really very amatuer scripts, and they were considering me for a role as a headmistress. Now honestly, when you think "headmistress", do you think mid-twenties and heavily pregnant? I sure don't. So much for that. I haven't heard back from them anyway - I'm quite relieved that I don't have to decide whether or not to turn down a dodgy role.

~~~~

Thursday! Sweeney Todd !!! Need I say more?

I'm too busy being fabulous....

Oh my goodness me.

I am listening right this moment to the new Eagles album.

*sigh*

It's called Long Road out of Eden, but goodness I think I'm in Eden right now. New Eagles music... Don Henley... Timothy B. Schmidt (sexiest bass player ever!)... "Busy Being Fabulous"... "I Don't Want to Hear Anymore"...

You see? It must be good, if it inspired me to blog for the first time in so long!

~~~~

In other news...

I'm really fascinated by the WGA strike in the States. I've been following it on John August's blog , Craig Mazin's and Ken Levine's.

It will be so fascinating to see if it really does "shut down" Hollywood, and if they can stick it out for long enough for the producers to even care.

~~~~

Speaking of Ken Levine... Noel recently bought a box set of the entire 11 seasons of M*A*S*H (written by, amongst others, Levine, who apparently never sees a penny from the years and millions of sales of the show!). He is up to Season 6 I think. I have been watching bits and pieces. I love the show, I just can't watch that much of anything the way Noel can! And if I have to listen to Major Hoolahan's screeching voice for much longer I might just go completely insane. But Hawkeye, oh Hawkeye. There can never be too much of the charming Major Pearce.

~~~~

I snuck out for a rare night to myself last night, and completely wasted it by seeing Good Luck Chuck. I thought it was going to be a really funny, sexy kinda comedy. Well, there was lots of sex, and there were lots of jokes! Some of them were funny actually. But... eh. Waste of time.

~~~~

Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for.

Alice Walker

There are two types of people -
those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!"
and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."
~ Frederick L. Collins

Stephen Fry

Heydie ho....

Just popping in because I just came across Stephen Fry's blog and wanted to link to this... http://www.stephenfry.com/blog/?p=19 . Some really cool, and kinda funny, ramblings about fame and celebrity. I like it.

~~~~

Love the actor, for he gives you his heart!
~ Bela Lugosi

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

(Sorry for posting nothing but quotes lately. There's just not much going on. Pregnancy is going well, children are beautiful, husband is working hard, the job is boring but fine. Planning the big post out to agents in the next couple of weeks. Um, that's about it. la de da....)

Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is.

Today. Now.

So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by.

~unknown

Hey!

So, we've changed ISPs and have had no internet for a week. Didja miss me? Huh? huh?

~~~~

I got my new headshots done - yay! I look all sophisticated and actorish...



He took about 150 photos. that was the best one and he edited it to make it all beautiful (ahem, I mean, to enhance the natural smoothness and lustre of my skin...).

And just because he's the coolest, here's a plug for Jom, the photographer - http://www.jom.com.au/ Go see Jom! For all your photographic needs!

~~~~

I also got my Showcast submission in on time (Jom emailed them my headshot directly - told you he's the coolest!), so go on, find me on Showcast... there's a link on the left and you can search for me. I just have to find a way to put in my internet profile that I'm pregnant - so that all those directors looking for a pregnant actress can find me!

~~~~

Noel had a bit of an Impulse Purchase moment this week and bought a very new, very fancy Hi-Definition digital camcorder. So, boo to Noel for spending so much money!

However, Yay for Noel now being able to record me acting and make a showreel to send along with my photos to agents! It's a seriously good quality camera and has seriously tricky editing *stuff* so we should be able to make something fairly decent. I'll do a bit of a hello and a monologue and a bit of a scene and some super-dooper acting and we'll make it look all gorgeous and the agents will love me darling!

*giggle*

No really, they will.

~~~~

I don't pretend to be captain weird. I just do what I do.
~Johnny Depp

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Maryanne Williamson

Spring!

And oh, it's devine! Warm sunshine, cool breezes, fragrant fresh air - the last few days have been the perfect start to spring.

My girls are wearing their favourite pink dresses and spinning around playing Princesses. My nausea seems to have gone! Hooray! All is well with the world.

Today, among other things, I'm off to an Eco Sustainability Fair at a local park. That should be fun and interesting.

Hooray for Spring!

~~~~

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.
~ Ashley Smith

Phew

I found a different photographer, who charges about the same and sounds really helpful and lovely, and booked an appointment for next Wednesday. So yeah, I have to work in the morning and then fight my way through the "George Bush Wednesday" crowds and hordes of protesters into the city. What fun.

It means I'll have my new headshot just in time for next year's Showcast submission, which is due in by next Friday.

Hopefully I can still look nice enough, after 7 hours of driving for work, to take a fabulous photo. :-)

~~~~

Oh, and the ridiculous pay situation continues. I received a cheque today for ONE WEEK's pay (the first week I did, a month ago). I called Manager and let him know how frustrated I was and how ridiculous his system is. He assured me another cheque, for the 2nd week, was sent today, and then I'll get the next week's pay the week after that. He insisted that was a "fortnightly turnaround", just as he had promised. Um, no, buddy, look at your calendar - three weeks does not a fortnight make!

Grrrr.

Anyway, at least I have petrol money. Next week I'll have Showcast money. One day I'll have money that is not allocated within an inch of its life before I get it! I won't know what to do with myself!

~~~~

Problems are opportunities in work clothes.
~Henry Kissinger

Too fat for the 40's.

You know how, back in March, I went to a casting for extras for that feature film? They just measured me and took a photo etc. Well, yesterday I heard that there were more castings happening this week. So I emailed the casting guy saying I'd love to be considered again, if possible. I told him I'm pregnant, but not showing yet.

He emailed back, very friendly and diplomatic (and congratulating me on the pregnancy), saying the biggest consideration they've had to make for this film is sizing, because all the costumes they have (it's set in the 1940s) are very small. He doubted that there would be any to fit me, especially in my "happily growing condition".

Ha! I'm too fat for their costumes! At a whole size 12! Well, I guess spunky young nurses in the 1940s were pretty thin.

Anyway, I was just happy that he didn't mind me emailing him again. :-)

~~~~

Oh, and this promotions job... jeez louise... I've been getting one or two shifts a week, which is fine. They haven't been paying me, which is NOT fine. I should have received a cheque two weeks ago for the first fortnight, and I should be receiving another this week for the 2nd fortnight.

Yesterday we turned up to work and found the water main had been turned off and locked with a big water company padlock. Not good. One manager said the water company was flushing out the pipes, the other manager said it's something to do with APEC. Yeah right, what ridiculous lies.

So anyway, I finally get an SMS today saying a cheque was sent today, "sorry for the delay". It had better bloody well be a cheque covering both fortnights, because they owe me over a grand!

Why do I always get the terrible managers???

~~~~

AND, I was supposed to be getting my headshots done this week. I asked the girl (by email) if I could have an appointment Tuesday afternoon, but she never got back to me. Not entirely her fault, I could have phoned her to properly make an appointment, but gah, I just want to get it done! Hopefully, will get an appointment leter this week or next week.

~~~~

"The universe is dynamic. When we are creative, we are the most alive and in touch with it."
~ Brad Dourif

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark.... Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

~ Ayn Rand

Johnny Addiction

So, Nic gently reminded me that I'm being a slacko blogger... sorry... will try to be interesting...

Pregnancy goes well, morning sickness continues to thrive. Work is fine, and if their *insert expletive* accounts department actually start paying me I'll be very happy!

The two guys I've been working with are actors and singers, so they're great fun. They do a bit of TV work and a few commercials (they're brothers so they always work together). AND, their favourite actor is Johnny Depp, so guess what we spend all our breaks talking about? Yep, Johnny's movies, Johnny's acting, Johnny's tattoos.

My first shift I only met one of the brothers, and a few of us were talking about celebrities owning islands, and he said "Johnny has an island". Of course I knew exactly who he meant but he obviously thought he needed to correct himself and said "Johnny Depp". I knew right then I'd found a fellow Johnny lover. tee hee.... anyway it's so much fun chatting with those guys... we do talk about other films and actors too, I promise. :-)

We had a bit of a debate this week about paparazzi photos... I have a personal policy of never looking at pap photos, because I despise the paparazzi and most famous actors do too, and I really feel strongly that it's wrong of me to join in the invasion of privacy... J and H agree with me that they're wrong but "if they're there, I"m going to look" - to which I just rolled my eyes and told them they're evil, evil, EVIL! :-) They were also concerned that I was missing out on all the best photos - like drunk Johnny being arrested (over a decade ago!) or, recently, Johnny half naked on his yacht. *sigh* That's the point, people, the world is not supposed to share those moments!

What do you think about paparazzi?

Just thought I'd pop in and say hello to you, my millions and kajillions of faithful blog readers... tee hee...

The pregnancy thing is really the only interesting thing going on with me lately. Threw up for the first time last night, after weeks of just feeling nauseous. Although, the only thing I'd eaten was neopolitan ice cream, and very recently, so it was definitely the pleasantest vomit I've ever experienced!

Ahem. Sorry.

~~~~

The "Fun Promotions Job" turns out to be not all that much fun at all. It is well paid, though, and uncomplicated and flexible, so I'm happy with that.

~~~~

I got my tax return, yay! Enough for the rest of the year's preschool fees, car service, Christmas and birthday pressies, and HEADSHOTS! Woohoo!

I still plan to get those done and do the big send-out to agents and casting people. I'll just have to write a letter accompanying them that somehow makes the fact that I'm pregnant the most exciting prospect ever! Who knows, hey, just maybe there's something going on in December or Jan that will need a pregnant lady. The chances are pretty small, I know, but the chances of getting anything if I DON'T do it are far, far smaller.

~~~~

I've been surprising myself by how sensible and philosophical I'm being about having another baby right now, while in the middle of a struggle to start a career. I really didn't want to get pregnant this year (though we were thinking about it), because I was so worried of losing what tiny little momentum I've been gathering with the acting and work stuff. But now that I'm here, I just feel like it's all on the right track, and that things will happen just right if I keep working hard.
I read a quote yesterday, can't remember who said it but it was something like "the harder and longer you work, the better the payoff will be when you achieve you goals". Not that I've been working all that hard in the general scheme of life, but by the time I do get some acting success, I'll have worked at it for a long time and I'll be so very proud to have finally done it.
So there. Even if I have a few detours and baby-raising breaks along the way, I will keep this dream of mine alive, and I will get there.
I have all the time in the world, after all, and a big fat baby bump never stopped me before!

~~~~

I'm loving this quote, too... just a nice little reminder...

A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ~

Morning sickness

Whoever invented that term must have been a big fat liar and, obviously, male. I feeeel aaawwful... moan, groan, whimper...

Turns out I was wrong when I joked about the film being Knocked Up, and not me. Perhaps that's why I didn't like the movie as much as everyone else does.

Baby Brown #3 is on its way. :-) Well, it's not really on its way anywhere, it's just floating around all blob-like, with teeny tiny arm and leg buds and a microscopic heart thumping away at 161 beats per minute.Growing, growing... set to arrive in early March 08. Excitement!

So, let's hope there are a few productions requiring a woman with a big baby belly going on in Sydney towards the end of the year... that would be fun. :-)

No news...

I feel like posting, but I have nothing to say... nothing happening.

~~~~

I haven't heard back about the waitressing job, so I assume I didn't get it. I posted off my info for the Fun promotions job, so as soon as I hear back from them I'll call and say no thanks to the Not Fun promotions job.

~~~~

Noel and I watched Underworld last night. For the first half we were just saying to each other "what? who's that guy? why do they need to do that?"... but once the film actually got around to telling us what was going on, it was good. Bill Nighy is just the coolest, even if there were far too many "Davy Jones" moments to make us giggle. (though this was made way before Pirates 2 and 3 , so I guess it's really the other way around. Davy Jones is one big expanded and more evil "Victor" moment perhaps.) Especially hilarious was when Kate Beckinsale's character sliced his head with her sword, and it looked like his face was just cut all the way across, until half his head slips off sideways! Hilarious yes, but also nearly made me gag.
Anyway, a good film if you love vampires and things like that.. and if you don't mind pretty poor sound mixing.

~~~~

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!

Tomorrow! Eeeek! What's going to happen?
My most gorgeous of the gorgeous friend J is buying me a copy, isn't she just delicious? I will have to send her chocolates and do her housework and marry her and love her forever!

:-)

Still cold!

Yesterday was apparently the coldest day in Sydney since 1986. It got down to 3.7 in the city, but out at at Richmond? Minus 3, thank you very much. And at 9am when I was in the car on my way to the city, it was still minus 2. And that was after I'd spent 5 minutes on my driveway trying to unfreeze my windscreen.

I was going to convert those numbers to fahrenheit, but 27 degrees just doesn't sound as impressively cold as minus 3 degrees, does it?

Anyway, enough about the weather.

The "interview/training session" yesterday was great. The manager is a really nice casual friendly guy, and the general vibe of the company seems so much more fun than the other company. He was kinda talking as if we all already had the job, but he didn't actually say that, so I'm not 100% sure. Why didn't I just ask? Cos I'm stoopid, obviously. But I shall call in a couple of days to confirm, and then if I do have that one, I will tell the other promotions one "no thanks". This one is purely advertising and samples based, so no sales at all. Driving around little tiny cars covered in advertising or going to shopping centres and events to hand out free samples. Lots of fun!

I'm donating blood later today. Be nice to me! :-)

Jobs, jobs, jobs...

Still no acting jobs... darn it! Darn you all to heck! (what am I quoting there? I can't remember.)

However, I did get the promotions job for which I trekked into the city today. Hooray! I don't think I'm going to like it much, as it seems to be more sales than anything, and I am the #1 most reluctant salesperson on the planet, but HOORAY anyway! I don't start for a couple of weeks, and it's pretty variable casual shifts which will hopefully work out nicely with other stuff.

Other stuff being, hopefully, other jobs.

I have another "interview and training session" tomorrow for another promotions job, one which is not sales-based, but more stand-around-wearing-branded-clothes-giving-stuff-away type promotions. Oh and they also have those cute little advertising-covered cars that need to be driven around and shown off to the world.

Now, to me, "interview and training session", and the fact that he said I'd be needed for about an hour and a half, sounds pretty positive to me. Surely, if there wasn't a fairly big chance of being hired, he would just say "interview" and not mention the training session?

Anyway, who knows. Will be doing the trek again tomorrow to the exact street in Alexandria that Noel used to work, years ago, when we were young and freshly in love... ha. rambling.

The restaurant trial shift went well, I thought. The worst thing I did was almost seat a couple at a table that was already reserved, and then switched to another table that was also reserved, requiring the other waitress nearby to gesticulate wildly across the room and then run over to apologise for me being new and ignorant of table-reserving procedures. Oops, but nothing dramatic. The supervisor said I'd done well even though I'd been thrown into the deep end (didn't feel deep to me at all actually!), and she'll call me sometime this week.

Blah. I really wish I had some actual proper exciting work (ie ACTING work) to report about, but still, this is all good. :-) Positive positive positive.

I'm so cold!

Not that that's got anything to do with anything, but hey, I am. It's freezing. But HOORAY for the yummy wet watery dam-filling rain we've been getting lately.

Anyway...

I have a trial shift today at a restaurant for a waitressing job. I'm so nervous, it's ridiculous. It's just waitressing for goodness' sake.

It's been at least 7 years since I've waited tables. (gasp! I feel old!) I told the man on the phone that I've had about two years' experience but that it was a few years ago. Then, afterwards, I thought about it and realised that the last time I actually waitressed was 1999 or 2000. Oops!

Oh well... how hard can it be... I always get ridiculously nervous at the start of a new job but then it always works out fine. She'll be right matey.

I weighed in again this morning and, yay!, lost weight again this week, so I'm back under 80kg again and feeling much better about that. My body fat percentage went down again too. It probably helped that this week I didn't eat a litre of chocolate rocky-road ice cream.

Knocked Up

No, not me. (Well, I don't think so, but you never know...) The movie.

Noel sent me out to see Harry Potter the other night, but it was sold out, so I saw Knocked Up instead. I've heard lots of great reviews so I was expecting it to be really funny and have a great story. And, well, it was kinda funny, and had a fairly dull story, speckled with moments of just "why the heck did they do that?". (for example, showing the crowning of the baby's head, three times, but not the actual birth of the baby. What the?) The acting was great, the leads were good, with some interesting characters, but the story just wasn't compelling enough for me.

So, yeah. I knew I should've just watched Pirates again. Damnit.

I have an interview on Monday for a promotions job, and someone calling me back today, apparently, about a waitressing job. Promotions sounds much more fun than waitressing, yes?

Bits and pieces...

I know I haven't been posting much. Real life, you know...

* I spoke again to the lady organising the drama classes at the rehabilitation centres. Her manager is concerned that I don't have insurance (personal liability/injury insurance) and they want me to get it. Blah. So she's going to send me some info about that, because I can't actually find a company that offers the kind of insurance they want me to have. Craziness.

* Applied for another boring just-need-money job, waitressing at a resort restaurant. Blech.

* Am reading David Copperfield at the moment. Charles Dickens. I really like it.

* Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix starts showing on Wednesday. I don't love the movies, but I do love the books. So, far more exciting is that the final book is out soon. My fingers are all crossed that I will actually be able to get a copy at the library.

* Weight loss project continues. I actually put on weight the last two weeks, but my body fat percentage went down a fair bit. So that's gotta mean something.

* Still feeling pretty depressed and cranky about the lack of progress I'm making in just about anything. Also feeling lonely and unloved. Sucks to be me. Lucky you're you!

* Although, a general community announcement; when you're curled up on the kitchen floor crying (seriously, one of the best places for a cry - try it sometime), nothing beats having two gorgeous little girls come running from upstairs to see what's wrong... "cuddle will feel you better Mumma".

* Ray of hope on the horizon; as soon as I get my group certificate in the next week or so, I can do my tax which means I will get baby bonus money, a little itty bit of tax refund, and hopefulyy a little chunk of family tax money. Woohoo! Headshots to have done, children's birthdays and Christmas pressies to buy or lay-by, carpet to steam-clean, bills to pay.... hang on, this is getting less fun by the second...

and finally...

Philosophers have argued for centuries about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, but materialists have always known it depends on whether they are jitterbugging or dancing cheek to cheek.
~Tom Robbins

Go placidly amid the noise and haste...

Because it's been on my mind lately, and because it's always worth sharing...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Hilary Swank, and counting my blessings...

I just watched The Black Dahlia, and was impressed with Hilary Swank. I remembered being impressed with her in Million Dollar Baby too. So I looked her up and found this quote from her:

"You need to study and work on your craft. If you're not prepared when that dream audition comes, you are not going to get that opportunity. To me, the definition of success is when opportunity meets preparation. So I really recommend that actors always work on their craft and their skills. Obviously you can't make a living doing that, but you can get a lot of joy from it and learn and be inspired by the people you're working with and by your teachers and by the material. As long as you're still being inspired by it, you're going to find joy. Then hopefully the role will come along. I just want every actor to know to keep chipping away at it." - On giving advice to beginning actors.

(Now I just need to find ways to learn and be taught and work on my craft without having any money for classes... How I would LOVE to be attending regular classes and workshopping with other actors and playing around with skills.)

Anyway, it was a little moment of joy for me to watch her performance tonight in Dahlia, because I was just thinking today about my list of actors that I admire the most. The three I always think of are men (Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Alan Rickman), and I was bemoaning the lack of any female acting inspiration in my life. So there you go, now I have one. Hilary Swank.

~~~~

I realised that yesterday was Winter Solstice. Perhaps that's why I was in such a cranky mood... or perhaps that's why I got so much bad news, which put me in a cranky mood... either way, the universe is probably out to get me, don't you think?

~~~~

I said yesterday that I would count my blessings sometime... so here are some I managed to scrape up from the deepest recesses of my tired cranky brain...
* My beautiful daughters are awesome and amazing and healthy and, the most brilliant part of all, they love me (me! really! people love me!).
* My darling Noel who also loves me, and provides a roof over my head and all that good husbandly stuff.
* I'm wealthier than probably at least 95% of the world's population. I have a life and opportunities that millions of people could never dream of having.
* I have some wonderful online friends who make my days a little bit more shiny.
* The gorgeous darling J who I met recently and is one of the best friends I've ever had.

Five'll do, right? Life's okay, after all. ;-)

Cranky post

I'm always so positive on this blog, what's with that?

Today, I'm not. Consider yourself warned.

In the mail today I got:
1. a letter from the manager at Luna Park, saying that "because of the high calibre of applicants, I am unable to offer you a position". Jeez, thanks. I know that's just a standard thing to say on rejection letters, but I don't like it. I don't like being reminded so deliberately that everyone else there was way better than me.
2. A letter from my bank (credit union actually, banks are EVIL!) saying my account is overdrawn and I need to rectify the situation ASAP. And that perhaps I ought to consider applying for a VISA Overdraft. Yeah, cos I'm sure they'd offer me stacks of credit while I have NO JOB and my name on a MORTGAGE. That looks wonderful on paper to credit people. "Oh, your only income is Family Allowance from the government, and you're half responsible for a $300 000 home loan? Excellent!"

I'm so cranky! Don't know who I am cranky at, but that's not the point. I've been trying really really hard, as hard as I can while staying committed to my kids, for over a year now and I'm getting NOWHERE. I still haven't had ANY paying acting work and the only agents who will take any notice of me are the ones with 6 million desperate hopefuls on their book who all paid exorbitant amounts of money for the privilege. I HAD money saved up to get professional headshots and then had to spend part of it when the car battery died for the THIRD TIME in as many years. I still haven't heard back from the lady about the darn teaching job at the rehabilitation centres. I missed out on the cafe job because of that stupid worthless sale job.

Okay, listen, I know my life is pretty darn good really. But I shall count my blessings or something NEXT post, today I'm just cranky and miserable and frustrated.

I just want to act. Please?????

I am disinclined to formulate an encapsulating title

As of right now, I am still processing and replaying At World's End. It's really stuck with me after the 2nd viewing, and I am desperate to see it again (who wants to shout me a hot date at the movies???). I'm giving up on writing any kind of detailed and analytical review, though, because of the way it's still floating around inside my head. When I get the DVD I will sit and take notes and write a REALLY good one!

Some friends were around last night. We played Charades (fun fun!) and then watched Once Upon a Time In Mexico - chosen, I must add, by one of the blokes, NOT by one of the three Johnny Depp fangirls in the room! I'd never really realised how funny that film is. Agent Sands is really quite hilarious!

~~~~~

I had an audition last week at Luna Park in Sydney, for street theatre and kids' entertainment work. Has to have been the most fun job interview I've had! There was a group of 9 auditionees; we played theatresports games, did some improvs, learned a dance (I haven't danced properly since I was about 12! But I managed fairly well, I thought) and each had to perform a one-minute piece. I did an excerpt from Winnie-the-Pooh, with a cute Liverpool little-boy accent for Pooh. They laughed at the right places, so I guess it was alright. I felt good about the whole thing, anyway. I should hear from them sometime this week.

I'm still waiting to hear back about the rehabilitation centres job. Originally it sounded to me that they were offering me the job, but now it seems they're considering me, and the manager of the person calling/emailing me keeps wanting to know more information about me. So that's still up in the air.

~~~~

Noel and I are challenging each other in a "biggest loser" challenge. Which basically means we're nagging each other about eating less and being more healthy. I have had to do far more nagging than Noel has, so far. He even ate McDonalds this week. McDonalds! And then he lost more than I did! How rude is that.
Anyway, I lost more than him the first week so I'm winning overall! I've lost 2.8kg in two weeks, and am under 80kg for the first time in almost 5 years! Barely - I'm 79.9 as of this morning, but still, that's less than 80! That is a very nice feeling. My goal is 70kg, which is how much I weighed before I fell pregnant with T. When I got married I was 67kg, but I don't think I can or need to be that skinny again.
I'm 5'10", by the way, for those of you thinking that only gigantic beasts could weigh 70-something kilos!
Anyway, the point of this far-too-informative ramble is - yay! I'm getting thin again! Perhaps in a week or two I will post some before and after photos to encourage myself.

Not quite a proper post about Pirates yet.

I saw At World's End again this morning, by myself, and just now is the first chance I've had to sit down at the computer. But alas, it is late and I am sick and so I shall again be brief, but come back again soon with a much more better post.

I LOVED it. I'm SO glad I saw it again by myself. I have quite a thing about other people's opinion of things which makes it nigh impossible for me to absorb something alongside someone else. I am too concerned with what *they* are thinking of it so just take it in for myself. Ergo, it is always better for me to see films on my own.

I LOVED the wedding scene and was awestruck and impressed by *part of* the Calypso transformation, both of which surprised me. I think Merlin's ideas about both those things in his comment helped. :-)

I'm still not entirely convinced by the locker scene, I guess I just have a hunch that it could have gone further in exploring just *why* Jack so hates the idea of spending eternity with only himself for company. Oh and I think I've reversed my opinion on the body-double issue. The body in question (the Jack that gets stabbed) didn't look terribly un-Johnny-like at all this time. I think I was wrong about that.

Keira impressed me more than annoyed me. I still noticed plenty of issues with the tension in her face, but there were quite a few moments when I really believed her and liked the choices she'd made. The scene with her father, for example. I cried.

Oh let me just point out that I cried about fifty times. Beginning from that young boy's first steps onto the [what's the word for the platform they use to hang people? - EDIT - GALLOWS!] at the beginning.

Some WONDERFUL acting from Johnny. One moment I noticed in particular was when he and Barbossa are on the beach next to the dead Kraken. Jack is contemplating whether to join the fight or avoid it, and he thinks on what the world's coming to. There is some delicious uncertainty and fear and sadness in Johnny's eyes in those moments, especially as he says "The world's the same; there's just less in it." (cue another teary moment for Sumara!)
And again when he has Jones' heart, about to stab it, when Will is stabbed, and Jack hesitates with the heart. Just a small moment but reveals so much about Captain Jack's character.

I totally love Jack and Elizabeth's relationship. We see them as really great friends who trust one another despite so many apparent reasons not to, who depend on one another and , literally, cling to one another when they need to.

Ok that'll have to do for today. I can't remember any of the other things I so urgently wanted to mention... I'll remember them at about 2.30am, no doubt.

*Ooh, remembered one thing - I'm loving the score. Gorgeous music! Somebosy buy me that soundtrack!!!

Merlin, thanks for your awesome comment. I promise I will address more of what you mentioned, in the next few days.

Connor - I'm hanging out to hear more of what you thought, too. :-)

Holidays, Pirates, Jobs...

We had a fabulous holiday. Yay for holidays!

We did manage to go all the way up to the Sunshine Coast to meet my most darling-est online friend... you may know her as either jkr2 or mrsramjet3kids... we spent a couple of days with her and her hubby and 3 kids, and we all got along so beautifully and it was just awesome. My girls LOVED the kids and they all played like old buddies. Yay for friends!

We did the whole beachy thing (Noosa Beach, mingling with the Beautiful People), and the Waterslidey thing (Wet 'n' Wild, on a rainy day!), and then some plain old relaxing (at some friends' holiday house in Diamond Beach). Yay for relaxing!

~~~

Yes, I have seen Pirates 3... I saw it on the 25th, the day before we went away. I shall write more about it after I've seen it again, but my initial reaction (I shall avoid plot spoilers for now in case you haven't seen it);

I loved all of Captain Jack. I think Johnny did some really excellent acting work in this one and took Captain Jack to new places we haven't seen him before. I was surprised and a bit disappointed by the "locker" scene - I was expecting that to be alittle different and a bit deeper perhaps, but I suspect I will understand and like it more upon a 2nd viewing. Plus, the film was out of focus up until that point (until I sent Noel to tell a staffmember and it was corrected), so perhaps watching that scene properly focussed will help.

I loved Will Turner too, which I haven't much in the first two. I think Orlando did awesome work in this one. And, (fangirl moment!) he looked incredibly hot at the end in that bandana. :-)

Elizabeth kinda annoyed me. I think her acting had some great moments, but mostly, Keira's inability to use her face or body very much is frustrating and annoying to watch. She needs to losen up a bit and get more comfortable in her own skin. Her mouth, in particular, seems really tense and frozen all the time, and I really don't think that's all due to character.

Geoffery Rush was amazing. He had quite a few pretty stupid moments, but he has this amazing ability to go from deadly serious to ridiculously funny without any loss of character or believability. Bit like Johnny really. No wonder those two top my list of favourite actors. :-)

Keith Richards was fabulous. It was a bit of a geeky silly scene, but hey, it's Keef. That last little moment between Jack and Teague was beautiful. (oh and incidentally, dricing up the coast last week we crossed a bridge over Teague's Creek. That gave me a great giggle.)

The transformation of Calypso was ridiculous. Blow-up doll, anyone? Surely they could have come up with a better way of transforming such a beautiful, powerful goddess.

I was frustrated with the maelstrom scene. It felt like it was about to be the big climax but then wasn't really. The "will you marry me?" etc was completely ridiculous. It would have been funny if it had lasted maybe 2 or 3 lines... but not the whole ceremony. There were quite a few little silly bits that I thought it could do without.

And then we hear that there were some lines cut that would have made the whole Davy Jones/Calypso/Dutchman/Curse thing clearer - they had to be cut for time (and now we're left with a confusing and questionable "curse" resolution) but the really silly groanworthy moments didn't? *sigh*

Anyway, so I left the cinema feeling a big disappointed and deflated, mainly due to the anti-climactic nature of the last few scenes, but maybe that's my fault for having such high expectations. I will see it again and I bet I understadn things better and therefore like it more.

(golly, that was a big ramble for "initial thoughts", wasn't it?)

~~~

I've been offered a job teaching drama classes to developmentally disabled adults at two rehabilitation centres. I've worked at one of them before, a couple of years ago, and I didn't think I'd done all that well for them, but they must have liked me because they want me back. It'll only be two hours a week, but I can charge $65/hour so that's just fine. :-) It'll be challenging work and I'm SO glad to have been offered something that'll be meaningful. The groups range from fairly high-functioning to very low-functioning people, so it'll be harder than last time, when most students were high-functioning. So if anyone knows any info about rehabilitation/education/anything for developmentally disabled people, I'm keen to learn all I can!

I didn't get a part in that play from a couple of weeks ago. Eh. Life goes on.

I'm applying this week for work at Luna Park - character "hosting" and street theatre. That'd be a fun job if nothing else.

Oh and that retail job I was doing? Boy oh boy. I only ended up getting 5 days work (out of the 14 I was offered), the manager just stopped contacting me and when I finally got a hold of someone it turned out the sale had gone caput. It took them 3 weeks to pay me despite endless promises of being paid "in a few days". I called the company's office in Melbourne and found out that it was that manager's first sale, and it kinda sounded like she was already in trouble - before they started getting all the phone calls from all of us annoyed casuals. Sheesh. THAT was an ordeal. Never again. But, it did pay this term's preschool fees. So that's something. :-)

~~~

Ok, it's very late. I shall try to catch up a bit with my "online life" in the next few days, but I am avoiding spending too much time here, in favoiur of getting my "real life" a bit more organised.

Toodles!

I love drugs.

Seriously. The only reason I have survived the last five days of work is my beautiful combination of ibuprofen and paracetamol. Neither of them work alone, but together, they are magic. My back has been agony from all the hours of standing up on a concrete floor.

The pay is terrible, the managers are awful and incompetent, the location is a big pain in the whatever, but at least the other casuals are lovely so I do have some nice people to talk to.

Oh and something funny - there was one guy who spent a whole day flirting like a dog on heat with me - he was whistling and following me around asking to help me, making suggestive jokes... He was seriously standing around watching me instead of working. Flattering, but I really didn't know what to do with myself, having not dealt with such attention for many years. (But like Noel said when I told him about it - "well, you've still got it babe.") Anyway, he has not returned since that day so I think the managers may have noticed that all his effort was in the wrong direction.

~~~~

Um, what else... my copy of Masked Man arrived but I can't get it to work in our DVD player or PS2. Bugger.

~~~~

Callbacks for that play have been postponed for a week, so I won't hear until sometime this week I assume. I'm not very hopeful, though, because the reason for the postponement was to audition some more people - which, to me, says that she wasn't happy with anyone she saw in the first round. Ah well.

~~~~

Happy Mothers' Day all you mummas out there! I've had a very ordinary day but Noel did buy me a voucher for a massage, so that will be much wonderfulness when this crappy job is finished. And lots of socks, which I desperately needed. And chocolate - kiwi fruit chocolate! It's yum!

~~~~

Noel got a big payrise (yippee!) and his holidays were confirmed for next week, so we're going to Queensland! Yay! SO much excitement!

But first, to get through 6 more days of this job.... please, someone, remind me never to work in retail again... I hate retail...

It doesn't rain...

So, I've been looking for any kind of paying work for, what, a year? With very little luck. (I've earned a grand total of $100 bucks so far since last July).

This week Noel and the girls and I were supposed to be going away for a holiday up the coast. At the last minute Noel's boss had to postpone his leave because the wife of one of the other drivers gave birth, and the dad obviously wants time off with new bub. Fair enough.

So, 1. I got an email from Myer after a ridiculously long online "selection process" saying that I am appropriately skilled etc etc blah blah to be put into their "talent pool" and they will now match me with a suitable vacancy.

2. A lady from a local cafe called and I have an interview this afternoon for a casual job.

3. I had an interview on Saturday for two weeks' full time work at some kind of massive jeanswear sale in Sydney. That was easy-peasy, got that job and I start tomorrow!

4. Yesterday I auditioned for a local-ish profit-share production. I think it went well. I will find out tomorrow if I get a callback.

5. Noel got an extra day of work on the weekend which paid a nice extra bit of cash.

So wow! It's all been happening this weekend. And I've been running around organising babysitting and timetables and logistics! How do mums who work fulltime do it? I haven't even started yet and I'm stressed.

I'm sure it'll be fine. I do work best under pressure, after all. My house is always cleanest and life more organised when I'm really busy.

Oh and I got my copy of Masked Man in the mail. I haven't been brave enough to watch it yet but the cover art and the printed disc look great. And my name is on the front cover sleeve - I had to giggle at how excited I was about that!

So, I'll be working full time until the 20th, then on the 21st I have the shoot for that short film I was approached about, and after that we're going away for a week or so. Cross your fingers for me that I get a callback for the play!

Masked Man Trailer

The darling people at Powered Productions have completed a trailer for Masked Man. You can see it here.

It looks pretty good, I reckon. I even managed to not cringe too dramatically at the sight of myself on screen.

Brad (the director) assures me that the film will be completed soon. Yay! I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out... but I doubt I'm ever going to enjoy watching myself on screen. I'll stick to the acting, thanks, and let the audience take care of the watching. :-)